 | Saints do not move | May 2, 2007 |
Pay heed to what the heart may say
The testimonies of the blind
Till free atlast to encompass
True love that eyes ne'er find OKAY. Multiply has a way of haunting me. I asked someone to change my password so I couldn't log in sa Multiply, then thank you so much to dear Multiply for still sending updates in my mail, and by clicking the updates, you get automatically logged in, without having to enter your password. So much for security. Now that I found out about this little trick, I'd be tempted to check Multiply again. I should just erase everything from Multiply on my mail. Or change the account settings and give the feeds to someone else's email address. HAHAHA. that's it. that's what I'll do. Sooooo... because I'm given this opportunity to blog for one last time, here goes.
....ok I got nothing. No, actually I got tons and tons of INTERESTING *wink wink* things to blog about, just nothing I'd want to reveal to the public ;) yeah, sorry, but that includes you guys :D
so anyway, darn it, i can't even give any greetings, salutations, whatever. It'd sell me out.
:D
maybe, I found something I thought I'd lost. :) Or at least, I'm close to finding it. whatever. One thing's for sure, I know where to look ;)
I really hope, this time, this will be my last blog :)
MULTIPLY SITE OFFICIALLY INACTIVE!!!! TTFE!!! :)
God bless everyone! You'll have to stalk where I'm keeping my journals for the next few months or years, or whenever I get tired of it. And no, not in wordpress B)
xanga --> friendster --> multiply
social networking sites seem to attract me more for blogging, and not really blog-hosting sites. And again, no, not facebook. facebook isn't really a blog thing kind of social network. Speaking of, haven't checked for a while already. Oh well. *shrug shrug*
THANK YOU ILOILO!!!!
Dear Reader, See you in my future blog (still in the process of editing the theme and layout; can't finish soon since photoshop died on me).
ok eto na talaga, thank you to everyone who stayed with me on Multiply, and God Bless :) *Yes, some parts of this song are actually true, but I'm not gonna reveal which ones* ;) *Inspired by Taylor Swift's Tim Mcgraw and Fifteen*
*song lyrics start here*
Here is a heart, that's been torn apart Never gonna see his name on my inbox And it takes some time to get over And it takes some time to get sober because these things happen and it sucks
Here I am alone, staring at my phone And it brings me to a place six summers back When you told me you loved me And I told you well, let's see And I cried for you in that shack
Vincent, you were, heaven sent And I didn't see, why you wanted me But now it's too late to go back Coz I didn't tell you I loved you When you left me on that shack
Vincent, you were, heaven sent And I didn't know, why you had to go But now it's too late to go back Coz she tells you she loves you And you're never coming back
I hadn't a clue, didn't know what to do With the roses and chocolates and screams from my heart I was afraid to love you So I didn't see through you When we laughed with the stars on your backyard
Oh, Vincent, you were, heaven sent And I didn't see, why you wanted me But now it's too late to go back Coz I didn't tell you I loved you When you left me on that shack
Vincent, you were, heaven sent And I pulled away, when you kissed me that day But now it's too late to go back Coz she melts when you kiss her And you're never coming back
And the voices, they never stopped Screaming, sobbing, crying out in pain Went with the rain, he made it all go away But I swore I'd love you forever when it stormed on that day
because Vincent, you were heaven sent And I never told you I loved you Never had the chance to show you I want you and I miss you Oh, I missed you
Vincent, you were, heaven sent And I didn't see, why you wanted me I never had flowers on my hair
Here is my heart, it's been torn apart The same way it was when you left me And maybe I'm older But the hurt's never stronger And I know it will never be
Vincent, you know, I did love you But I know that she loves you And you're never gonna come back... come back to meeeeeee....
******tune for the song is in my head pa lang, mas maganda sana nauna tune, pero wala ako gitara sa dorm and nahahassle ako mag keyboard. so tune to follow when I arrive at Iloilo and be reunited with my beloved guitar that's been temporarily adopted by my brother.. Play that song without the music Say the words without the tune The one we danced to all night long and smiled for pictures by the moon
and though the whispers faded and sunrise threatened opportune cold with opportune embraces and opportune gazes that set the mood for un-opportune love your fingers went beneath and under my skin crawling to my heart aflamed
you took me by surprise with the sweetness of your eyes
and when you tried to grab it whole this heart, it didn't come like broken bones need time to make it whole because the heart - my heart - isn't something that you stole
i can't let my heart be stolen 'coz i wanna give it freely away.
i was taught that love was meant to be but i know now that it's a choice and i'd rather be the choice than the serendipitous lover
it's not romantic, made-up, a fairytale because it's real
real love is romantic too
the best of both comes when it's true and i just might find that out with you
but not now, not here, not tonight.
because tonight i sing our song when you were but a shadowed dream and my heart first learned how it felt to scream through smiles that shamed the moonlight's beam
i don't wanna give you my broken heart to mend; you don't wanna borrow and i don't wanna lend and i don't wanna play pretend.
but i hope i'll see you again in time when i look in the mirror and the reflection's mine when her eyes had that spark of innocent trust when her cheeks had that glow of an uncontrolled blush when her hair was as long as when she believed that someone was waiting for her to be freed.
only time can tell what messed up hearts cannot, but let it not say it's too late, and you forgot.
and no, wala ako tinutukoy or pinatatamaan. just like some of my other poems, i find it fun to put myself in other people's shoes and simulate their feelings. then try to make poetry out of it. :)  | - | Sep 22, '09 10:38 PM
for everyone |
we always try to act mature, do we not? even when it's only pretend. when in fact, we don't really know what the mature thing to do is. and i've tried so many times to grow up, but i'm faced with the question: "where am i really headed to? is this growing up?"
is running away the right thing to do? when you know that facing the problem would only destroy you. it's not about finding the courage to do so, but knowing, deep down in the very core of your being, that you just can't. at least not yet. then maybe running away is better after all. it avoids all the unnecessary hurt. too much distraction, and too much destruction.
and then it comes to the realization, that maybe i'm just weak. i'm not brave enough to face it. well, ok. maybe i am weak. or maybe i just don't wanna face it the way you want me to. the way you think is right. well, i don't think it's right.
because if i am going to tell you something, then i'm gonna tell it to your eyes, and let it sink, until it's etched and unforgotten. words fade, you know. and words are easy to forget. but the look in someone's eyes, they're the visions that haunt us when we're almost asleep and ready to dream about better things.
it's what you see in someone's eyes when they tell you "i love you" "i don't love you" "i hate you" "fuck off" "i miss you" "you're all i want forever, everyday" and whatever else you can think of.
they're the ones that linger, not the words you read off the computer (although they stick too).
so let's just play paper rock scissors and see who wins. best of 5. it always worked when i was 5. but heck, what difference is there?
how different did it feel when you lost your phone from when you lost your favorite toy back at 2nd grade?
the latter might have hurt even more. things just start to mean differently, and we put soooo much value to other things we think are just more valuable.
it takes 4 years to look back and see the bigger picture. and maybe the smoke will clear by then. until then, let that mist hide us while we transform, so when it lifts, we'd look at each other and realize how beautiful we are to the other's eyes. and remember each other as beautiful people.
If all we'll ever be to each other are memories, then at least, let them be good, happy ones, ones we'll remember with a smile, and not a burning desire to locate and strangle each other.
I was browsing through my "treasure chest" and I found this. I HONESTLY forgot why I wrote this, and to whom I wrote it for. but i thought it might give some insight. so there. :) and i kinda realized, how similar I still am to who I was 5, 4, 3 years ago - whenever i might have written this. or maybe i just laugh at it, because i guess i could've written this just now, given the content. aah, wait. i remember the person i wrote this for. hahahaha! but whatever, because we ended up happy. kase wala ako magawa. tae. gusto ko makasakal ng tao. :))
BE HONEST, WHO WERE YOU TEXTING A LITTLE WHILE AGO?
- shawn yap, jolo, mommy, pam llaguno
THIS TIME LAST YEAR, CAN YOU REMEMBER WHO YOU LIKED?
- yes
WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT YOU REALIZED TODAY?
- i need an adventure
DO YOU THINK ANYONE HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU?
- syempre naman. but in the romantic sense, wala naman ata ;)
WHO WAS THE FIRST YOU TALKED TO TODAY?
- kuya or shawn. can't remember. haha.
HOW LATE DID YOU STAY UP LAST NIGHT, WHY?
- 3 am. let's say, nagpapagod ng mata.
COULD YOU GO A MONTH WITHOUT CURSING?
- ata. oo. pero hindi ngayon. hahaha.
HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN A HORSE?
- yep
ARE YOU ANYTHING LIKE YOU WERE AT THIS POINT LAST YEAR?
- some things don't change. pero ewan. cguro. partly.
HAVE YOU LOST CONTACT WITH SOMEONE YOU WISH YOU DIDN'T?
- yes
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX ON THE PHONE?
- yesterday, kuya.
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON?
- yes XD
DO YOU MISS THE WAY THINGS USED TO BE?
- depende when. used to be a month ago, no. used to be a year ago, yes. used to be 5 years ago, no. used to be 10 years ago, yes. so ewan talaga XD
HAVE YOU HELD HANDS WITH ANYONE IN THE PAST 24 HOURS?
- teka.... wala naman ata. :))
ARE YOU A PATIENT PERSON?
- YES
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
- kanina? :|
THINK A LOT BEFORE YOU FALL ASLEEP?
- not until yesternight. :| || ah wait, actually oo. :)). i think a lot. period.
WHO WOULD BE THE FIRST PERSON TO KNOW IF YOU GOT PREGNANT?
- my husband. :))
DO YOU CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU?
- depende kung sinong tao. kung importante sakin, oo.
DO YOU ENJOY LATE NIGHT PHONE CONVERSATIONS?
- yes
WERE YOU HAPPY WHEN YOU WOKE UP TODAY?
- sadly, no :(
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A DIAPER?
- yep XD
DO YOU KEEP A PLANNER?
- no
CLOSEST GREEN OBJECT TO YOU?
- fake leaves of fake plant
WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU DID WHEN YOU WOKE UP?
- hmmm. na physical? kase una kong ginawa, nag-isip. soo.. i guess.. chineck ko laptop ko for messages.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 8 THIS MORNING?
- sleeping
WHERE IS YOUR PHONE?
- on top of my paper
WHAT ARE YOU EXCITED FOR?
- happiness :D and sem break.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING 30 MINUTES AGO?
- re-watching harry potter 6
HONESTLY, WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON TO TELL YOU THAT THEY LOVE YOU?
- in person or not? kung hindi in person, that would be nikko (kuya ko talaga actually, sinabi niya lang "labooo kuno hambal ni nikko" = "labooo(love you na pagsalita ni baby ko) daw sabi ni nikko." speaking of, nakakamiss na siya!! baby ko!! pag dating ko sa iloilo, pupuntahan ko siya agad >:)) ), at kung in person naman, hmm... hindi ko maalala. someone dun nung party ni kimui. haha either ate ica or jian or kimui.
HAVE YOU EVER WORN THE OPPOSITE SEX'S CLOTHING?
- yes
WHAT WOULD YOU NAME YOUR FUTURE DAUGHTER?
- beatrixue/beatrixe whatever spelling basta yun.
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU RODE IN THE CAR WITH THAT WAS UNDER 21?
- hmmm. marc papa and dan. unless above 21 na si kuya marc? HAHAHA di ko alam
DO YOU HAVE CURLY HAIR?
- no
ARE YOU MAD AT ANYONE RIGHT NOW?
- yes
DO YOU LIVE ON YOUR OWN?
- no. or ewan? dorm. :))
WOULD YOU LIKE RECEIVING FLOWERS OR DO YOU THINK THAT'S TACKY?
- yes. i like flowers, especially pag pinag isipan kase may meanings ang flowers.
WHAT PISSES YOU OFF A WHOLE LOT?
- HAHAHA. basta alam ng mga taong kinakausap ko parati kung san ako madalas naiinis.
HOW HAVE YOU FELT TODAY?
- galit, tired, confused, loved, ewan. MALABO
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SLEPT IN A BED WITH?
- :|
DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS FOR TOMORROW?
- school?
ARE YOU HAPPY AT THE MOMENT?
- instantaneous moment? so-so. ewan. :| i'm not ecstatic. di rin naman ako emo. sakto lang i guess. but i wouldn't say happy. :|
TIME IS A RESOURCE WE CAN NEVER EXHAUST. IT'S JUST THAT WE RUSH TOO MUCH. "wisely and slow; they stumble who run fast" <--true. -Romeo and Juliet Marami sa’tin ang mahilig sa mga nakakakilig na love story. Ung tipo ng love story na para bang itinadhana ang dalawang tao para sa isa’t isa. Sa kabila ng mga kinailangan nilang pagdaanan. Sa kabila ng lahat. Sila pa rin yung nagkatuluyan sa huli. Hindi mo tayo masisisi. Lumaki tayo sa panonood ng mga fairy tale na kung saan si Princess at si Prince Charming ay maikakasal sa bandang huli sakay ng isang magarbong karwahe. Tulad ng Beauty and the Beast. Ng Snow White. Ng Cinderella. At kung anu-ano pang ka-Disneyhan ng mundo.
Hindi pa doon natatapos yun. Pagtanda-tanda nila e mapapanood nila ang mga pelikulang Jerry McGuire, Hitch, My Sassy Girl, Definitely Maybe, Romeo & Juliet, Titanic, When Harry Met Sally, Addicted to Love, Girl Next Door, Indecent Proposal, Debbie Does Dallas, Barely Legal #19, Meet Joe Black, My BFGF, KimmyDora, Ang Tatlong Tatay Kong Pakitong-Kitong at kung anu-ano pang mga pelikulang magpapakilig at magpapaisip sa’yo na kaysarap ang magmahal at ang mahalin. Ang magkaroon ng isang taong maiaalay mo ang buong pagkatao mo at ganoon din siya para sa’yo.
Masarap isipin ang mga bagay na ‘to. Masarap isipin na ang mga ‘to e sana, sanang-sana talaga ay mangyari sa iyo. Na maging ikaw si Prince Charming na magliligtas kay Princess sa tiyak na kapahamakan. Na maging ikaw ang gigising sa kanya mula sa pagkahaba-habang tulog.
Pero hindi isang fairy tale ang mundo. Oo. Masakit mang aminin pero ang laking paasa ng Disney. Pota bad vibes di ba. Alam ko. Kaya nga siguro masarap panoorin ang mga fairy tale at pelikulang happily ever after ang kalalabasan e dahil sa minsan lamang ito mangyari sa mundo. Sino naman ang makikinig sa isang istoryang gasgas at laos na? Matatawa ka pa ba sa isang joke na alam mo na ang punchline? Kaya siguro masarap manood ng mga istoryang happily ever after e dahil sa hindi ito ang kadalasang mangyari sa tunay na buhay.
Ako kasi, sa kung anu pang inihilig ko sa mga ganitong tipo ng istorya e mas gusto kong nakaririnig ng istoryang tungkol sa isang sawing pag-ibig. Awts. Ilong ko. Sawing pag-ibig men. Patay lahat. Walang ligtas sa lalim at kakornihan ng tagalog ko.
Hindi ko hilig makinig ng mga storyang olats dahil sa trip ko ang magpaka-emo. Hindi. Masarap makapanginig nito dahil sa interesado akong malaman kung bakit hindi sila naging happily ever after. Dahil ba isang matagal nang problema? Dahil ba sa ibang tao? Dahil ba sa isang hindi maiwasang dahilan? Dahil ba sa mga pagkukulang? O dahil ba sa ISANG GABI? ISANG PUNTO. ISANG SANDALI. ILANG SEGUNDO. Na kung saan e nagkaalaman tayo na hindi ikaw at ako ang princess sarah at prince charming ng mga buhay natin.
Kasi, kung gaano kahalaga ang iilang sandali sa dalawang tao para tuluyan nilang mahalin ang isa’t isa ay ganon din kalupit ang iilang sandali para masira ang pangarap ng walang hanggang pagsasama ng dalawang taong ‘yon.
Maraming dahilan para maghiwalay ang dalawang tao.
Kulang sa oras at hindi nagkikita.
Sobra sa oras at palaging nagkikita.
Ayaw ng parents.
Ayaw sa parents.
Nagkasawaan, nagkasuyaan hanggang sa magka-awayan.
Third party. Fourth party. At isang party na kung saan nagkahulihan.
Bisyo tulad ng inom, yosi, drugs, sugal, babae, lalake, lolo at lola.
Mga kaibigan, katwiran, at mga kasinungalingan.
Mayroong lumayo. inilayo, at ipinaglayo ng buhay.
Mas nakakatuwa kung ang istorya ay tungkol sa dalawang taong hindi man lang nagkaroon ng relasyon. Maaring sila ay:
Hindi nagkaroon ng sapat na panahon para magkadevelopan.
Naunahan ng kaba o ng takot na baka hindi siya mahal nung isa.
Sadyang hindi lang talaga gusto ni A si B. O kaya naman e, nang magustuhan ni B si A, nakamove-on na si A.
Nabagalan.
Nabilisan.
Namanyakan.
Nagaraan.
Naboringan.
Naguluhan.
Nalabuan.
Nabaklaan.
Napagtripan.
Namatayan.
Kung may iba pang kadahilanan ay maaring magtext lamang ng:
LOVE <Space> Dahilan kung bakit hindi mo nakasama ang taong minahal mo <Space> Ang iyong pangalan at address at isend sa 2344 para sa Smart/Talk N’ Text Subscribers at sa 4627 para sa Globe/Touch Mobile Subscribers.
Tulad ng sabi ko sa inyo, marami ang dahilan para mauwi ang pagmamahalan sa isang hiwalayan. Mayroon pa nga tayong naririnig na istoryang tungkol sa mga nakasal sa mga taong hindi naman nila gusto. Mga taong hindi lang sawi sa pag-ibig kungdi sawi na rin sa buhay. Boog. Kawawang talaga. Mga taong kwarenta na e hindi pa naikakasal. Mga matatandang binata’t dalaga.
Gusto kong naririnig ang mga istoryang ‘to dahil sa ito ang mga istorya ng tunay na mundo. Hind tulad ng mga istoryang happily ever after na para bang daig mo pa ang nanalo sa lotto kung mangyari man ‘to sa’yo. Ang pessimistic no? Kaya nga, tulad ng nasabi ko, marami ang nahihilig sa mga fairy tale. Mga pelikulang Hollywood na kung saan ay makalipas man ang ilang taon e magkakatuluyan pa rin ang bidang lalake’t babae. Dahil sa mas masarap ang mamuhay sa isang pantasya. Pantasyang puno ng pag-asa. Umaasaang pantasya na kung saan ikaw ang bida at siya ang iyong mapapangasawa. Kesa naman harapin mo ang katotohanang ika’y nag-iisa at meron na siyang iba. Awts. May tinamaan. Gago hindi ako.
Sa mga makakabasa nito, kung meron ka nang nobyo / nobya / boyfriend / girlfriend / darling / honey / hon / daddy / mommy / syota / syoting / love / sweetiepie / cutiepie / carebears / teletubbies e maswerte ka. Dahil mas may chance kang sumaya kesa sa mga nag-iisa. Pero siempre, sa mga defensive dyan, maari mong sabihing hindi pag-ibig lang ang maaring ikasaya ng tao. Pero di mo maikakaila na mas ok kung mararanasan mo ito. Parang cellphone. Puedeng wala. Makakasurvive ka sa buhay kung wala kang cellphone. Pero mas madali ang buhay kung meron ka nito. Kung ayaw mo ng metaphor ko e putang ina mo na lang ang masasabi ko sayo. Sa makakabasa nitong nag-iisa, aba’y galaw galaw at baka ma-stroke. Sa bagay, hindi maganda kung mamadaliin ang mga bagay-bagay. Pero hindi mo rin alam, na baka sa paghihintay mo e mapag-iwanan ka. Hayyyy ang gulo. Napakagulo di ba? Pero ganun talaga e. Ampanget naman siguro kung naging madali ang buhay. So pano? Hanggang dito na lang muna. Kung inaasahan mong ito na ang panahon na kung saan e kakanta na tayo ng “it’s time for so long” kasama ang isang asul na aso e namamali ka sa mga pinaggagagawa sa buhay mo.
Stolen from Kuya Howard of YFC. graduate na siya. :) wala naaaliw lang ako kaya nirepost ko. :D nakakatuwa at nakakatawa basahin. Ito ang buod ng kilos-pag-ibig: ang pagsuko ng sarili upang sumaibayo sa makitid nitong mga kategorya at makatagpo ang kabuuan ng talagang totoo. Sabay nito, ang pag-ibig ay pagkabighani. Nahahatak ang tao sa totoo. Nadadala siya ng isang malalim na damdamin ng pagnanais na makitagpo sa nakakabihag. Kung tutuusin, sabay nitong kilos ng pagsukong may kutob sa totoo ang pagkabihag na nagtutulak sa taong makibahagi sa nakakabihag. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit pag-ibig at hindi katwiran ang batayan ng pagkamulat ng tao sa mga halaga.
-Agustin Martin Rodriquez
I should be studying stat and MY philo, instead, nagmumuni-muni ako dito sa philo ng roommate ko. Pero wala lang, shouldn't the above be called passion? Well, sometimes, with love comes passion, but love isn't ALL about passion. And love isn't merely about feelings. Although it starts there. Does that mean then, that without feelings, love can't be born? If there are no feelings to start with, then could there still be a chance for love? What if the feelings develop along the way. Sometimes, that happens. I'm sure. But maybe you can't really call that thing - whatever it is - before the feelings, love. Can you? hahaha. I've been too concentrated on the definition that love is about commitment and action and decisions, not feelings, that I've forgotten it involves the latter too. It isn't just about those, nor is it just about feelings. It's about both. Commitment, decisions, and actions without feelings are just routines, obligations, respnsibilities, etc. And feelings without commitment and decision, are just desires and emotions. I think there should be a healthy balance of both. Anyway, according to Scheler, it is love that drives us to the truth, and not reason. and that's why we have to answer first, what is love? does he really talk about love? or about passion? attraction? And what is love? pwede ba madefine yun? haha i guess it's just as it is.
hahaha i should sleep now.  | You kiss by th' book | |
 | DAWN !!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!! |
 | Ows wala kayong jersey nun? Sayang naman :-/ Hahahaha, oo nga mahirap pag wala ka nung boses e :)) |
| Ang ganda nga nung collab :) Tas ang ganda sin nung ibang covers ni AJ Rafel sa ibang songs, so thanks sa pagmention ;) :P |
| Hahaha. Di pa po pwede matulog, di ako magigising para sa class ko mamaya :)) |
 | hello,
pls visit my site for pre-owned and affordable books.
thank you. |
 | haha! may ganon..? =p
thanks Dawn! :D |
 | Dawn! I just checked my Multiply now lang! Thanks for the greeting! I hope you're doing well! *hugs* |
 | anne!!! buang ka, itext ko bi. we need to talk. haha 09065165436 |
 | msta na?anu sbng gna busyhan mo? |
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